Moonlight Musing
by Pete Magno
Summary: Hmm... This is a SenKosh.... quite angst. Don't know yet how the story will turn out. It's about them, already in a relationship but there are some problems... (The author is haunted by uncertainities) DISC: I dont own them.... they're DR. T's.
1. Default Chapter

Last night I lay by his side, and watched the moon through the window. The moonlight beam crept into the room through the glass and between the slightly parted curtain. He was sleeping peacefully. His face was calm. I rarely see him that way except when he's sleeping. He is always smiling, and talking happily. The he laughs with friends, classmates, schoolmates, the team and even the coach.

Of ten his face showed nothing but joy, happiness and relaxation. It is what makes me angry. Sometimes, I think he never takes anything seriously, including me. He never listens to me. He would sit in front of me and watch me talk about Maths, our Geography assignments and the proper essay writing technique for history but he never takes me seriously.

I pushed myself up, but still by his side. I watched the peaceful heaving of his chest. The rhythm remains the same since I was awoken in the middle of the night. He was so peaceful. The aura of serenity that surrounds him was like a holy shield, stopping me from getting nearer to him. I felt something in me burn. My chest hurts and it became harder for me to breath. I hate him. God, I hate him. I hate every inch of him. From his long hair, to his smooth forehead, down to his chiseled face, strong torso and his long legs. To the tip of his toe which showed at the edge of the blanket.

The clock on the wall showed that it was 2 a.m. Four hours to go before sun up. Before he wakes up. He is an angel. At least that is what everyone think he is. I doubted he was. And then I believe he is. And now I doubted him again. What was he to gain from me? What do I have? Money? He has a lot more of it than me. Fame is definitely out. A sense of victory perhaps. The victory of capturing a lost soul. If that is the case, I wonder why have I become so stupid. I fought the battle, long and hard. I fought him, others and the demon within me. I thought I have been blessed by God but I am not. I'm not a blessed human.

The steady humming of the air conditioner reminds me of my current state. I am uncovered from the waist up to the head. I reached for my shirt that was resting on the nightstand. I wanted to leave but I can't. I hate myself for wanting to stay on that cosy bed. The shadows of the cupboards and the furniture were looming in the dark. Then fear assaulted me. And I felt so lonely. Not a sound in the huge bedroom can be heard except his breath. And I turn my eyes towards him. He was still there. Then he moaned and stirred lightly.

His face was directly facing me now. Does God create something... somebody like him? Out of all the people in this world, why did he choose me? Or am I only one of his conquests? But he made me happy. No one has ever made me that happy before. How can I tell.

I remnembered last week. He was chatting with our classmates. He was surrounded by them. He looked just like himself. So jovial, flashing his pearly whites almost all the time. He turned towards me and out eyes met. I diverted my eyes and started walking. Away from him.... away from everyone. He called me but I walked and broke into a run. Somehow, he doesn't make me feel happy anymore. Later when he asked, I told him I had to go to the men's.

Basketball practice is even worse. Worse for me that is. I watched each of his graceful moves with envy. His successful lay-ups, the way he charged forward and fought for the rebound. He turned towards me and gave one of his famous smiles while mouthing words to remind me about our dinner. His smiles are always special. He smiles to everyone, always, all the time. I remembered that I threw up one time when I think of his smiles. I think they are sickeningly sweet. But everyone in the world loves it, except me. I was so sick that day that coach excused me from basketball practice.

I tried to touch him, but I can't. Even when he sleeps I can feel the power of his spirits. The power that can destroy me anywhere, anytime. I draw my hand. Just as I wanted to leave, his eyes fluttered open.

**A/N : **It feels so good to be back. I guess I am just lazy these two years. All my fics I

throw away. Hope this time I'll stay for good and I tell ya, I SUPPORT SD!!!

Even though I'm lazy, I'll be SD's fan forever..........


	2. 2

As I opened my eyes, I saw him already in his shirt watching me. I've never been so happy my entire life. Now he's with me, there's nothing I couldn't do. Tonight he seemed weird. He seems so determined and… I'm not sure.

"Hiro-kun, what's wrong?" I asked him. But he just shook his head with a reassuring smile. "Lie down, Hiro-kun. Let's go back to sleep." He lied down beside me, facing me. I smiled to him and he smiled to me. "Good night, Hiro-kun."

"Good night, Akira."

He closed his eyes and went to sleep. But I stayed up, watching him sleep. Hiro-kun, he's just so wonderful. I used to see him everyday in class and basketball practice. But we never actually talked. We just exchanged Hellos and Good Byes. It just happened that we share the same table during lunch. We talked a bit and I still remember the awkwardness of his movement when girls surrounded our table. He couldn't even read the book that he was holding with his left hand. He told me that he always read during lunch.

Our second encounter was at the mall. He was buying popcorn and soft drinks at the cinema. He was going to watch movie, alone. I was with some of our teammates. Ikegami-senpai told me that he thought Hiro was weird. He is always alone. I laughed it off but then I kept thinking about him. I am always surrounded by people and friends. How does it feel to be alone? I wondered.

For the next few weeks, I keep trying to talk to him. At first he was edgy and nervous. And a bit suspicious I think. But, when he warmed up to me he just turned into someone who is full of passion. Perhaps that is the true self of Koshino Hiroaki that is hidden under the uptight, quiet and ill –tempered exterior. We got closer and closer and I guess he really think of me as his friend because he keeps lecturing me about my lack of interest in my studies. He struggled to make me understand each topic in our textbooks.

But, we didn't get there that fast. It took more effort on my side to enable us to develop our friendship. I am never tired of it. Koshino Hiroaki gave me something that I never got from others. Never have I seen such a sweet sour face, and a beautiful dull boy. My cousin Rika thought me a crazy, sick, twisted animal. She never talked to me after I told her about Hiro. But Keiko was her usual self, telling me to cherish Hiro, though I detected something different in her manner. But she is the best cousin I could ever have. I know she will stand by me.

But my relationship with Hiroaki had gone through a bumpy ride. He made me want to love and care for him. At first I was just curious about him. I was starting to dismiss him off as another angry boy, that writes hateful poetry, sang angry songs and look at the world with contempt when I caught him at the back of the gym cuddling a stray kitten while talking to it. I could see that the kittens' fur was soiled with soot, not as smooth as my mother's Siamese. It moved with a certain giddiness, legs trembling. It was rather skinny and its wails were high pitched and so sad to hear.

Hiro's bag was lying on the floor beside him. I heard him apologizing to the kitten for he did not bring any lunch that day. On Hiro's face I could see compassion, love and real concern. He did not even realized that I was there watching him. I waited for him that day, and later we talked. He seemed so embarrassed when I mention the cat. I detected a slight flush on his cheeks.

I began to take a new level of interest in him. It's true that it wasn't easy for both of us. My proclamation of love was dismissed off as another joke. It took me a while of convincing him of my feelings for him. Only after a few days he believed me. He made me so happy. And I think I made him happy too. He smiles more now, though not in public. He still didn't want me to tell the team about us. I don't understand why. At school, he would pretend that there's nothing going on between us. It made me feel bad sometimes, but he always made it up later. He would cook me a meal. Or make me my favourite chocolate pudding. He would come to my house, and climb through the window into my room. He said he doesn't like my butler.

I especially enjoy the dinners we had together by the pool, alternate Saturday nights if my parents weren't at home. He would bring his home cooked foods and we'll sit together and enjoy our meal. I usually contribute with one of the dishes from my kitchen, cooked by the cook of course. We would chat happily and I would listen to his constant nagging. I tolerate nagging from my mom by just hearing it and not taking it at a very personal level. With Hiro, I did the same thing. The only difference is, I enjoy listening to him talk. It means he cared for me, he loves me and wants me to succeed in my life.

I reach out my hand and caress that lovely face. I brush his bangs away to see his lovely face more clearly. He looks like an ethereal creature illuminated by the moonlight that is filtering through the window. He could have been from another world, or from fairy tales if not for his tell tale Linkin Park shirt. I leaned closer towards him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. He murmured something incoherent before burying his head deeper into the pillow. _Hell! He's so beautiful. _ But for tonight, I'll be content with watching my beautiful lover get his much deserved rest. After all there is still tomorrow. There is still other nights with moonlight. There is still time for us to love, more full moon night to dance and dine. To love and cherish.


	3. 3

DISCLAIMER : I am not in any way making any profit from this piece of work (see its quality, it won't bring any profit). And sadly ( I believe many share this sentiment), all SD characters belongs to Dr. T.

A/N : To all who reviewed, I'd like to thank you for ur suggestions. This fic will be a short one with three or four more chapters to go. I really appreciate the reviews and I hope I'll improve myself more in the future.

Title: Moonlight Musings

Chapter : 3

"Are you ready?" asked Koshino from the stairs. Sendoh was still in his room, getting ready.

"Not yet. I'll be down in a minute." Sendoh answered. They were going to dinner. It was one of those candlelight dinners that Sendoh frequently took his lover to. Sendoh was humming a happy tone while buttoning his shirt. It was a maroon silk shirt that fits him just nicely. He gave himself a big smile before pocketing the ring he had bought for Koshino.

"Did you wait long?" Sendoh smiled to his lover. He was pleased to see Koshino looking so lovely in white cotton shirt and khakis.

"No, I didn't."

"Then let's go." Sendoh took his lover's hand and headed towards the garage.

"I'm sorry Akira. I don't think I can be with you anymore."

"Hiro-kun. What are you talking about?" They had just finished dinner. Sendoh was not sure of what he had just heard. He was fiddling with the ring in his pocket while the waiter cleared the dishes away just now. He was about to propose when Koshino suddenly took him with that confusing statement. Koshino's eyes were cast downwards with his head slightly turned to one side. His hands were on his lap, while his fingers were clutching the napkin tightly. He was determined not to let Sendoh see that he was shaking.

"It's over Akira. I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't think we are good for each other." Sendoh felt like someone had just slapped him hard. He was shocked beyond words. But then he recollected himself and forced himself to be calm. He loves Koshino. He is not going to let him go just like that. And somehow he knows that Koshino loves him too.

"Hiroaki, I want to be with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't want you to leave." Though it was not a weak, helpless plea, it was the most sincere speech.

"I'm happy being with you. And I know that you love me too. Hiroaki, please look at me." Sendoh leaned forward and Koshino lifted his head. Koshino then saw in front of him the most sincere and loving look. "Tell me. What made you say what you just said?"

"Akira" Koshino lets out a long breath. "I have my own reasons. I do not want to be in this relationship anymore. It is best if you forget me, forget us and go on with your life. That is what I intend to. Now, if you'll excuse me." With that Koshino stood up and left immediately. Sendoh who was too stunned to move just watched Koshino as he glided through the restaurant to the door. So, his Hiro-kun wants out. Hiroaki wants to leave him. He will be alone. He won't be able to shower his love with his affections and attention. Sendoh then continued to ponder upon everything that had just happened. He could not believe that he just let his sun, his spring of happiness and his love walked out the door. _Stupid. _He cursed himself. It is not right. They came together yet they leave separately.

"Waiter!" He shouted and rushed towards the door after putting more than enough money for the bill on the table. He hoped to be able to catch Hiroaki. When he got out of the restaurant, he did not see Koshino anywhere. He looked out at every direction and every passing face. Passers-by were looking at him weirdly.

"Hiroaki!" he tried, but no Hiroaki anywhere. He got more stares. Sendoh felt his chest hurting and he found it difficult to breath. He could see nothing but the shy moon in the sky.

TBC..

A/N : I just finished learning tenses yet I still couldn't practice it in my writing. Darn! As always, I'd like to say I tolerate flames and congrats if u made it till here…


	4. 4

**Title:** Moonlight Musings (4/5)  
**Author:** PeteMagno  
**E-Mail:**  
**Rating:** PG 13  
**Summary:** Sendoh and Koshino are in a relationship and they face some difficulties…  
**Content/Warnings:** Slash warning. Yaoi. Shounen ai.  
**Feedback:** Really appreciate reviews! ;-)  
**Distribution:** Archiving is allowed anytime, anywhere. As long as you don't ask people to pay to view it. Fanfiction belongs to all fans. At least mine does. But do tell me after archiving. I'd like to see how my fic looks. Hehe…  
**Spoilers: **Nope, no spoilers.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own SD. Dr. T owns SD. Although I'd like to have Koshkosh-kun for myself!!!

**A/N: **At first I was planning this to be an angst fic. But I started writing this fic so long ago. I can't seem to fine the flow and I just can't get into the 'zone', if you know what I mean. And I don't know if I am going to write another SenKosh so I decided not to go on with the angsty theme. Soo….this chapter would be far more 'lighter' than previous ones. To those who had read previous chapters I'm really sorry I'm not writing up to your expectations. Thank you to those who reviewed. You really make my day.. 

Koshino walked through the streets. It was not very late yet, and there are still a lot of people out, painting the town red. Oddly, he doesn't feel as much hurt as he thought he would. He was still panting slightly after dashing out of the restaurant, away from Akira. No, away from Sendoh. He walked in a more relaxed pace now. And started to think about what he had just done. He had broken it off with Sendoh. Sendoh who had been the most wonderful boyfriend to him. Sendoh is his first love. His only love. He couldn't say the same about himself. He couldn't say the same about what he is to Sendoh. Koshino sighed and looked up at the moon. The moon is still shining bright. The stars could be seen clearly. _'Huh, clear sky. Clear day tomorrow. It's not going to rain.' _"I'll have a beautiful day tomorrow." Koshino said aloud to himself, bitterly.

He turned to the left and he saw a video store. Ringo's Video. _'Well, hello Ringo. Make me happy will you.'_ Koshino entered the store and looked around him. It was a small video store. Quite homely, if you can use the word to describe it. There were only two or three other patrons besides him. The girl who was watching the shop was sitting behind the counter, looking through a magazine while chomping her gum loudly. Koshino walked around in the shop. He just broke up and he needed something to cheer himself up. He wants a movie to watch until he's tired enough to go to bed. He wanted a comedy to watch. People who knew him at school would be shocked to find out that his favourite genre is actually comedy. He picked three comedy films. Something called 'Dodgeball' and another two 'Liar Liar' and 'Big Fat Liar'. And then he took another two movies. His another favourite genre is action. He took 'Die Hard' a classic and 'Shanghai Noon' an action comedy starring Jackie Chan. He would really enjoy himself tonight. He took the videos to the girl at the counter and paid the deposit for the rental. That night, Koshino went to bed after watching two of the movies that he rented. The movies had managed to take his mind off the break up.

sakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhskhsakhsakhsakhsakh

Koshino grunted when sunlight hit his face. He had forgotten to close the curtain before he went to bed last night. The sun was already quite high and is shining the intense near afternoon shine. He twisted to the right and let out a groan when he found that the blankets are twisted around him, and were restricting his movement. He got up and went to the bathroom. The house was very quiet. It seems that his parents had already left for work. He was alone now. His sister must've gone to her soccer practice. '_Shit!'_ he cursed inwardly. He had woken up late, and he had missed practice. Thinking of practice, he was reminded of Sendoh. He broke up with Sendoh last night.

He reached for his towel and went back to the bathroom. It's better if he took his shower now rather than lamenting on Sendoh. He turned the tap and decided to take a cold shower. He had no patience to wait for the hot water. And again, his thoughts went to Sendoh. Sendoh must be practicing now. They are having a friendly match against Shohoku in two weeks time. Sendoh must be practicing hard. He knew that Sendoh is really anticipating the match with Shohoku. Rukawa is in Shohoku and he's getting better each time. Rukawa has been the only one who could light the fire in Sendoh. Rukawa has always been the one who could give Sendoh the greatest challenge in his game. Unlike himself. With the seniors departing, he's now almost a regular but he's still warming the bench at their games. He is not a regular like Sendoh.

Koshino was done with his shower. He toweled himself dry and looed at his reflection in the mirror. _'What's going to happen to you?_' he asked himself. Koshino was extremely annoyed when he found himself in one of his self deprecating episode again. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't. '_You broke up with Sendoh. You aced not half of your subjects last exam. And you sucked in basketball. You spent a lot of time practicing yet you sucked.'_ Koshino draped the towel around his waist and went to his room. He was sulking by now.

The small brunette then opened his closet and started choosing his wear for the day. _'You woke up late today. What happen? You missed your morning run. You have stamina like your grandmother. Your grandmother work on her garden everyday, maybe she has better stamina than you do. She does have better stamina than you!_'. Koshino zipped the jeans he had chosen. He went for the shirt next. Tears were brimming in his eyes. He went to the mirror and started combing his hair. _'Your hair is so coarse. You're without stamina and you don't even have nice hair. No wonder Sendoh doesn't really like you.'_

'_He likes me! I'm the one who broke up with him.'_

'_No he doesn't! He only likes the idea of having a boyfriend. Once he realize that he doesn't like you, poof! He's gone! He doesn't love you. Don't fool yourself. He'll find himself a better boyfriend.'_

'_Yup, he will.'_ Koshino shook his head and tried to force down the sob that's trying to get out. He had to accept the fact that he's the one who had dumped Sendoh. Well, Sendoh has always been the jovial and happy one. He's also quite impulsive at times, but he always bounces back to happiness no matter what happen. Yes, perhaps Sendoh would be a little sad after their break up. But Sendoh would bounce back. Once he's stable enough, he would forget Koshino and find another person to love. He knew Sendoh's type. Sendoh is someone who couldn't bear to live alone. He is independent, yes, but he's always been a people person.

Sendoh would learn to love another person just as easily as he loved Koshino. Koshino knows that he is not someone who is lovable.

He doesn't know what Sendoh saw in him that made Sendoh love…like him in the first place. He knew himself. He is uptight and short tempered. He is a very goal oriented person and would always concentrate on his work. He had no time to spare for socializing or goofing off like most high school student. He wanted to be a successful writer some day. And out of the blue came Sendoh. Jovial good natured Sendoh. Who found love..or something likable in him. He was shocked but he found that being with Sendoh made him happy. Sendoh made him laugh a lot. Too much considering his ill-tempered nature. Koshino suddenly snapped out of his reverie when he heard his alarm ringing. He set the alarm to remind himself to start working on his History paper. After banging his head on the table hoping to banish all thoughts about Sendoh, he took out his reference book to start on his essay.

sakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakhsakh

Koshino knew he is crazy. Officially he is the most stupid person on the face of the earth. He spent the whole night bawling his heart out. Alone on his bed, in his room. He finished his History essay in the evening when his parents came back from work. He had dinner with them and his sister, and he felt really good being able to spend some time with his family. He did not really have a chance to talk with his parents during the week, and weekends are the only time when the whole family could gather for dinner.

"How's school Aki-kun? Are you doing okay?" His father asked him. Mr. Koshino was thirty when he married Saeki. Saeki was two years younger than him. They had Hiroaki Koshino two years after that. Koshino looked at his father's old face and smiled. "I'm doing okay otousan."

Just that moment Saeki, or better known to their neighbours as Mrs. Koshino walked into the dining room with a steaming serving bowl in her hands. "Really, dear?" She is the epitome of a bionic woman. Bionic woman? Koshino wasn't sure but he adores her. Koshino had always adored his mother who could do all an ordinary housewife would do at home and at the same time work to contribute to the family's income. He guessed she could do it because his father had always been so accommodating and he also does his fair share of household chores. He hoped someday that he could life like his parents' with someone he loves. "How's basketball. Last year Ryonan made it to the finals right?" Mrs. Koshino took her seat next to her husband and folded her legs under her.

"Koshino missed practice today" his sister chirped in. He gave a nasty look to her and she just returned it with a Cheshire grin.

He was quite happy until he watched how lovey dovey his parents were during dinner. That reminds him of Sendoh. Sendoh always likes to spoon feed him but he only let Sendoh do so if they're having dinner in the privacy of the dining room at Sendoh's. Mr. Sendoh is a very busy businessman and Mrs. Sendoh is a real social butterfly. They rarely dined at home.

After dinner, he went to his room. At first he wanted to continue watching the other three movies he had rented, but he was just too tired. He burst into tears as soon as he changed into his night clothes. He switched off the lights, so that his family would think that he's already fallen asleep. He took one of his pillows and hugged it tight. He curled himself into a ball and concentrated on stopping to cry. But he couldn't. During the break up, he had felt nothing. Just numb, and he had some endorphine worked into his system by the comedies he rented. He was happy and laughing but only for a while. Only after a day he could register the emotional consequences of that break up and he started to cry. He knew that he's experiencing delayed reaction to that break up. But at the time when your heart rules you, you can't do what your mind tells you to do. So, Koshino cried while at the back of his mind that he is being stupid. Outside, the clouds were moving slowly, covering the pale moon.

**tbc**


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